Padme's Journal
by skywalker02
Summary: Darth Vader comes across an old journal. He opens it and realizes it belonged to Padme' Amidalla.
1. One

One

After the battle on Mustafar, Anakin Skywalker had become Darth Vader. Badly injured to the point that he couldn't live on his own. He was the man in the mask. On a mission, finding a part for the Death Star, Vader came across a planet he was fond of.

Naboo.

He flew over the house that he'd been to before. The lake house Padme had taken him to during his mandate as Jedi to protect the senator. The place where he had kissed her for the first time. Where he confessed his love to her. She was the only think Anakin truly cared about. Until his anger blinded him and he killed her. Tears filled Vader's eyes as he stumbled into the wreckage. He went into a room to find a little safe.

Vader ignited his lightsaber and cut it open. There inside, he found a journal. Padme's signature was on the front. It was pink and it had the republic sticker on the front. Vader opened it, and he was amazed at what he saw. It was her journal.

_Date Unknown…._

_Landing on Tatooine was probably the best thing that happened to me. Being the queen of Naboo and being protected by Jedi, Tatooine was a sigh of relief. I met a funny little boy named Anakin Skywalker. His mother called him Ani. He was the cutest thing on a dusty old planet. But after I left him at the temple on Corascaunt, I never saw him again. It's been ten years since I last seen him. Being a senator now cuts things from my life that I wish stuck with me forever. _

_Like little Ani._

Vader shut the journal and thought for a moment. _She didn't forget me._ He thought to himself.Vader considered opening it again. But instead, he slid it into his robe and headed back to his ship.


	2. Two

Two

On his way back to the death star, with his new part, Vader took out the journal. He stared at it blankly, trying to remember what it was like being Anakin Skywalker again. What it was like to be human, and not a machine. He looked away from it, not wanting to open it. But he couldn't help but know what she wad writing about.

_Date Unknown:_

_I'm wanted dead. What could I have done to people to make them want me killed. My life was almost taken when I landed on Corascaunt for a senate meeting. My ship blown to pieces. One of colleagues killed, acting as my decoy. I feel horrible. I want to know who is trying to kill me._

_Continued. _

_Meeting Jedi in the Chancellor's office was a short sign of relief. Chancellor Palpatine insisted on putting me under the protection of the Jedi, but I feel like it's not necessary. I waited in my estate when Master Obi-Wan walked into the room. Jar Jar greeted him loudly. I greeted him also, then I saw him again. After ten years, he is standing right in front of me. He had gotten so handsome and so tall. I remembered a little boy with long shaggy blond hair. Then I see this, grown up Anakin. My heart was racing, but I couldn't blow my cover, or get him in trouble. But he seems to do that on his own. I got up and left knowing that I had a bad feeling about it all._

Vader shut it again. "I was wrong about… everything. She did feel something. She was happy to see me. Or Anakin anyway," Vader sat the book down and sat in deep thought, until someone needed him. His mask allowed him to breath loudly and heavily. The breathing quickened and it got louder. The mechanical man was crying underneath his mask. "I was wrong about everything!" He threw the book across his quarters, but not hard enough to damage it. He realized what he did and recovered it through the force. "I'm so sorry," Vader put the book ti his metal chest and sobbed.


	3. Three

Three

Vader looked down at the book once more. He had been wrong all along. Everything that he thought, during the days when he was Anakin Skywalker, were wrong. Admiral Tarkin, Vader's right hand man, came in to report the status of the death star.

"Lord Vader, the construction of the death star is going very well my lord. It should be finished on time," he bowed.

"Thank you admiral. My master will be very pleased. You're dismissed," with a wave of his mechanical hand, the admiral had gone. He opened the little pink book and read more.

_Tatooine…_

_Anakin and I are on our way to Tatooine. Ani has been having nightmares about his mother. I do hope she is alright. I would hate if something happened to her. He looks so content though. Like he's ready for something to approach him. He has a lot of pride. And a bit of an emotion issue. But I'm sure he'll grow out of it. We are coming up on Tatooine…_

_Something horrible has happened. Ani's mother has passed away. I knew I felt something in my heart. I do hope Anakin will be alright. I don't like to see him upset, let alone hurt. Poor thing. Stupid Jedi Code… I wish I could help him in a way the Jedi Council sees to be illegal. In my opinion the Council needs a few adjustments on the way they see things. They can't even love. That's stupid. I really want to help Anakin. Because I love him…_

Vader slammed it shut. Under his mask he was weeping. "She did love me! She just didn't want me to get hurt. Ugh! I can't stand this! I was wrong about everything!" He laid the book down gently and paced around the room. He stopped and looked at the book again. He wanted to read more, but couldn't find it in his heart to open it again.


	4. Four

Four

Vader picked up the little pink book one more time. He didn't know what to find in that thing. Everything he had thought over the years were in fact the complete opposite from what he thought. But curiosity got the best of him. He opened the book and flipped through the pages, trying to find the last thing read.

He found it.

_Anakin has been gone for about eight months now. He left me with a child. I'm pregnant and miss him dearly. The chancellor has been kidnapped and there have been rumors that Obi-Wan and Anakin had been killed. My heart beats faster every time I think about it. Even though I am strong enough to take care of myself, I need Anakin. Not because of our child, but something ever happens to him, I wouldn't be able to live. I wouldn't be able to breathe. I do hope my Ani is alright…_

Vader closed the book, but saving the page with his thumb. He looked up. Remembering coming back from the Outer Rim Sieges to save the chancellor. The day he killed Count Dooku. Taking his life with his and Dooku's lightsaber. A cunning move, but at the time, Vader lived by the code. Other than the fact he was married and broke most of the rules anyway. He had to be convincing. Vader opened the book again and continued to read.

_Anakin has come back from rescuing the chancellor and he alright. I was relieved when I saw him in the Temple. He was amazed when I told him that I was pregnant, like he was excited to be having a baby. I was relieved that I was able to tell him. It had been eight months since I last saw him. I have been waiting for this very day._

Vader finally closed the book, thinking back on the past to where he found out, that the love of his life was having his child. Which was his enemy at the moment. He's known about Luke for awhile. It was only a matter of time. Vader could only think about what else was in the book. He didn't think about Luke, Tarkin, the Death Star, the Emperor, no one. Just the little pink book.


	5. Five

Five…

Vader lay in bed that same night. Wondering if he should look in the journal again. He was already taking a trip down memory highway, why keep going? He knew that there was something in the book stating his former self turning to the dark side. The day Anakin Skywalker turned his back on the republic and joined the two faced jerk Palpatine. Vader sighed. There was no way he could go back in time to fix everything. He finally realized, he was the bad guy. He was the one causing so much hurt.

"She would never forgive me…" he thought to himself. "Quite frankly, I don't blame her," he sighed again. Grabbing the pink book he opened to his previous page.

And read.

_Anakin is going to be a father. A great father. _yeah right. _I can see him holding his child. Free of pain, and loss. I've noticed something odd though. Anakin is spending more time with the chancellor than usual. When he comes home, he's always is a bad mood. Like something happened while he was gone. Anakin is usually happy when he comes home. But I think I'm going to let Anakin handle it. He is a smart man, he knows what he's doing._

"Yeah I totally knew what I was doing. Now look at me, I can't even live on my own!" he screamed and threw the book. This time he left it there. He'd finish reading it later. He couldn't stand to look at it anymore. He didn't want to remember. Remember what he did to her. To Obi-Wan. To everyone. He not only ruined their lives. But his own as well.


	6. Six

Part Six.

Vader couldn't sleep at all that night. Glancing over at the pink book, which he had thrown across the room out of anger. His breathing accelerated as he finally looked at it. He sighed and sat up. Attempting to pick it up and continue reading.

"I'll wait till the morning," he picked up the book and placed on the night stand. He got up and walked the halls, hands cupped neatly behind his back. Troopers walking by him, and not giving him a second glance. Vader didn't even notice them. He circled the corridors multiple times before feeling tired again. He returned to his quarters and sat on his bunk. He glanced at the book again. Finally picking it up and turning to his previous page…

_Anakin is spending more and more time with the chancellor. He was denied being a Master but he is apart of the Council. In my opinion, he should be happy to be part of something that honorable. But Ani is strong willed. I don't understand what the chancellor will do…_

"Turn me on everyone I care about…" Vader scoffed, then continued reading.

_Anakin just left to Mustafar. After seeing the Jedi Temple go up in flames, I couldn't bare to Anakin get hurt._ _I stood and watched his fighter disappear out of sight, wondering if I'll ever see him again._

"Oh no…." he looked down the page and found nothing else was written. Vader flipped through blank pages. Seeing nothing but a white page. "This was her end…." Vader continued to flip through the pages to find at least something. Something that she had written before he took her life.

The last page.

_To my love, Padme' Amidalla. I will always be with you. Through the Force and in your heart. I will never leave your side. I hope to have a wonderful family with you when this dreadful war is finally over. Obi-Wan might be able to help us with our needs. I will be there with you through everything. I hope you know that my love. I love you my loving angel._

_-Anakin M. Skywalker_

"I got this for her. I left this note," Vader slowly closed the book and sat it down. "I lied to her. I lied to her about everything," Vader tightened his fist and thought for a moment. "It's better late than never," he reached up to his black, devilish helmet and began to take it off. He removed the breathing mask. The only thing that was keeping him alive. He laid down the helmet and laid back himself. He looked at the ceiling and awaited the time where his fate as The Chosen One was sealed. Crossing back into the light side of the Force. To join his wife on the other side. Not as a Sith Lord, or as Jedi. But as a loving husband and father. Vader closed his once beautiful eyes and drifted away into nothingness.


End file.
